Novos 3s complete perfect month

The Mighty 3s looked to carry on their unbeaten run in 2015 by travelling to MaCracken Park. Under the rule of their auspicious leader the mighty and revered Kim Jong Pratt (credit to M. Cousins) spirits were high and the pre-game banter mainly focusing on Tom Burford was once again rife! There were some changes to the team that took apart a strong Gosforth 3s last week. Back come the Marshall Twins who thought a night away on the drink was good enough reason to only turn out for the 4s. Also back were Paterson, Gardiner and Wilson Snr from an immense 3 day drinking performance across the Irish Sea in Belfast Paterson and Gardiner came straight back into the starting pack while Wilson Snr was only brought back due to his threatening suicide if not selected and to try and stop young Wilson from trying another horrific kick!!! We hand a Novos debut to new comer Callum Hoy who rumor has it has been to training. THIS MUST STOP! Unfortunately a lack of scrum halves has haunted the club in recent weeks so out of total desperation Burford got the nod at 9 (a sure fine for poor selection for Captain Pratt). Oli Dearden Once again proved his credentials of not being a front row by being selected at......hooker! On a positive note Last week’s pre Madonna Chris Ward didn't have enough influence on our winning STREAK to regain his place this week so was sent packing to the 2s. The rest of the team retained the same nucleus from previous weeks with a strong pack and some ropey looking backs and some fat squinty eyed bloke with no pace and a receding hair line on the left wing. After a lovely breakfast at the Brandling Arms where Joe Carr got really angry the team set off for McCracken Park and the chance to do the double double over our local rivals after the win at Gosforth last week. En route there was allegedly a moment where the club clown Tom Burford claimed to be deserving of international honors he has been booked on for a brain scan next week! After A Wilson Snr warm up which left everybody knackered Northern left Novos waiting out in the elements for 10 minutes trying some sort of mind games.
Joe Carr Shorts check - Bright White
From the kick off Dan White made some good yards with ball in hand which led to a Novos penalty and some good phase play in the northern half. Both teams struggled with a poor pitch and worse conditions but not as much as the ref struggled to control the breakdown!! Which led to plenty of penalties to both teams the only other thing to mention in the first 10 minutes was the arrival of John Marshall only 1hour and 25 minutes late!!!! At the 20 minute mark Novos up their game and started putting pressure on Northern but were denied any real scoring opportunity by some poor reffing decisions. Then at a break down the Northern 4 totally lost the plot and dragged Paterson out to start a fight then quick as a flash Jack Salt came over to aid Paterson while the rest of the pack just looked on and cleaned the mud out from under their manicured nails!!! Gregg Humphreyson (son of Andy Goode) kicked the resulting penalty to give Novos a deserved lead! A disappointment throughout the whole match was Dearden's throwing in although like a true pro he had all the excuses such as bit of curl on that one lads and the 2 jumper didn't go up! (A 4 ball was called be Commander Desmond). Finally Northern got punished for their dodgy breakdown play and their hooker received a yellow card. However 3 minutes later Wilson jnr decided he needed a breather and did the same thing with the same consequence! Just before half time Paterson had a sniff of a break form a loose lineout by Northern but failed to pick up the ball cleanly it was commented on from the touchline that had it been a steak bake he would have definitely caught it!
Half Time Northern 0 - 3 Novos
Joe Carr Short check - Still white
Half time Changes
Forbes - Paterson
Wilson Snr - Parkin
J Marshall - Burford
Deakin - White
Novos kicked off the 2nd half and instantly put pressure on the new Northern 10 who will form here on in be known as Barbie which led to a strange cross field kick which was well gathered by a Northern player who failed to notice Mr. Desmond's knee following in after the ball! Northern were back to full strength and camped in the Novos 22 Jack Salt my personal hero in the 1st half then put in a high tackle and gave away a penalty which Barbie kicked to make things all square. More pressure from Northern and another penalty given away in the 22 allowed Barbie to put northern into the lead 6-3. Wilson jnr then returned from his sin binning and Novos brought on Callum Hoy for his debut to replace Salt. Hoy started his Novos career with a strong run through the middle which ended up with a knock on and gave Northern a scrum. His next act was to pole axe Barbie with a high tackle Kim Jong Pratt would have been proud of!! But Northern kept pressing and the majority of the next 15 minutes played in the Novos 22 to the point where a flock of seagulls landed in the Northern 22 for a safe view of the game! However during this period Novos defense was unbreakable with big hits coming in from everybody including our glorious leader, Cousin, Desmond and Gardiner. Gregg did try to relieve the pressure with a terrible kick but luckily D Marshall was on hand to tidy up his mess. Novos slowly worked their way back into the game with hard work and perseverance. As they worked their way up the pitch Hoy took a cheap shot from one of the Northern backs and retaliated both men seeing yellow and finishing their game as we were in the final 10 minutes. Novos broke through the Northern line and managed to get the Ball to Gardiner who dived for the line but the ref said he was short (we will undoubtedly here he wasn't for the rest of the season). But from the 5 meter scrum Desmond picked up at 8 and ran for the line he was brought down but once again Northern offended at the break down and 1 quick tap from Gregg a ball out wide and D Marshall was under the posts to score! Gregg missed the conversion Novos now 8-6 up. Straight from the kick off Northern went on the attack, but once again failed to break down the Novos defense. The ref then called last play of the game and Northern went for a Hail Mary kick over the defense but D Marshall was once again there to scoop up the ball and kick it out to claim a great victory for the mighty 3s and complete and unbeaten January!!!
Joe Carr Short Check - Still white time to dump him in a muddy puddle!
MOM Andy Gardiner
Finally words of wisdom from the great Cumbrian philosopher and some time back rower Oliver Tarquinn Dearden the muddiest team won (Joe Carr the exception)

Report by Craig "Cliff" Chubby Cherub Paterson