WHITLEY BAY LEG-LIFT!

Sluggish defence, wrong options and ruthless Rockliff finishing all conspired to undermine the Great Republic’s hopes of a flying start to the 2015-16 campaign in the rarefied atmosphere of the River Aln League.
Although missing a number of key players through work, injuries and (in the case of Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un Pratt) yet another mission to take the great Republic pursuit of Cricket to developing west end communities, the handsomeness-in-depth of the Novos Development Team dazzled in the seaside haze, as they swaggered in to Rockcliff’s changing rooms on a mission to continue last season astonishing run of league form.
While H & S and D J behemoth Rob da Strange enjoyed a pre-match pint and cunning linguistics with Rockcliff’s friendly bar staff, ‘vos warmed up with the tried and trusted Wilson regime (including handstand!). This was followed by sage tactical exhortations from experienced tight-head prop Sanderson and Supreme Leader for the day Kim Jong-un Hemmings. It was therefore no surprise that Novos dominated the early exchanges. A heady brew of shrewd tactical kicking by stylish fly-half Humphreyson, incisive ball-carrying from centre-duo Wilson and Hemmings and belligerent scrummaging and mauling from the (comparatively) light weight Novos pack, bullied Rockcliff back in to their own 22. However, it was Rockliff who opened the scoring when sloppy handling gifting possession to their marauding inside centre He proceeded to break three tackles and then slip the ball to Rockliff’s number 4 and undisputed overall man of the match, who powered clear of the flailing ‘vos defence to cross the line. With the try converted, Novos suddenly found themselves 7-0 down. However, it was five minutes later (and following a scrappy period of play) that the portentous moment of the match occurred. After a dubious penalty award against Novos (the first of many) for not releasing in the tackle, an admittedly excellent penalty kick to the corner by the Rockcliff fly-half gave the hosts a line out three metres from the Novos line. Using the five-man line option to great effect, the ball was popped to Rockliff’s no 8, who tried to power over the line. However, in his way was veteran utility forward Croft who duly grounded his man. Rockcliffe then piled over the top, leaving Croft unable to roll away from the tackle area. Common sense said scrum but the match official said penalty to Rockcliff. A quick tap and go later and Rockliff had their second try in the can 12- 0 Rockcliff.
Nevertheless, Novos didn’t rack up eleven league victories on the spin for nothing last season and chased down the restart in determined fashion. Following industrious harrying from outstanding back-row Neil Smith (Novos’s man of the match by some distance) and winger James Jeffrey and some fine rucking from promising young flanker Dom Byrne, Novos stole the ball back through some trademark sleight of hand from hooker John Addison. This set the platform for an intelligent kick over the top from hard-partying scrum-half Christian Selkirk, which made the Rockliff full-back turn. Wilson then caught him in possession, the Rockliff man held on, resulting in a penalty to Novos. In a uniquely Novocastrian paradox, pacey full back Joel McKale then proceeded to re-hydrate courtesy of his mate’s pint of lager while Humphreyson, having an influential game at no 10, duly converted the penalty. 12 – 3 and Novos at last had a foot hold in the game.
However, Novos were soon brought crashing down to earth with another soft (though superbly converted) try. Having once again done all the hard work in pinning the hosts back in their 22, Novos were inexplicably penalised for pushing too early in the scrum, inexplicable because we were going backwards from an illegal Rockcliff nudge! Possession ceded, the marauding Rockliffe no 4 proceeded to break through Novos tackles at will. Though finally halted by a heroic cover tackle from Wilson, he had the presence of mind to pop the ball to his scrum-half, who sprinted over in the corner. An excellent conversion made it 19-3 to Rockliff. Worse was to come three minutes later, when possession was given away cheaply on the half-way line and ghost defence from Novos allowed the Rockliffe centre to canter over the line. With the try converted, 26 – 3 to Novos.
Shortly before half-time, however, Novos earned themselves a couple of breaks. Firstly, sustained pressure on the Rockliffe back line saw Rockliffe temporarily reduced to 14 men for holding on after the tackle – it wasn’t before time. Secondly, a strong scrum and a series of powerful phases saw the ball moving slickly out to winger James Weaver. Weaver still had some work to do but the young winger danced and (ahem) weaved his way over in the corner for a well-deserved score. 26 – 8.
At half-time, the mood was generally constructive and the talk centred on at least getting a bonus point for scoring 4 tries – a realistic target under the circumstances. So, cue the second half and the start of an eventful 40 minutes. The first five minutes were fiercely contested with Novos (showing renewed purpose and energy) edging the territorial battle. However, another dubious penalty decision (against Wilson for winning the ball legitimately in the ruck!) handed Rockliff a penalty. Clearing up-field, Rockcliff secured good ball from the resulting line-out and their winger was allowed to breeze through two tackles. However, a superb forward effort pushed Rockliff back off their own ball to secure possession. Or so everyone thought. The referee penalised ‘vos for handling in the ruck, giving the hosts a penalty five metres out. Following sterling Novos defence on their own line, Rockliff winger James Rodgerson broke from the maul and drove towards the line. However, he was met with a robust hit from Croft and was driven backwards. As forwards from both teams piled in to try and secure the ball, Rodgerson could be heard from the base of the maul indicating neck pain. Play was quite rightly stopped, so that the Rockcliff winger could receive treatment. What wasn’t right was the yellow carding of Croft for collapsing a maul when all he was guilty of doing was putting in a fair tackle on a player who had broken off from the maul and was running freely. As a result of Rodgerson’s injuries (which are thankfully not as serious as was first thought) play was moved to the adjacent pitch, so the winger could be treated. With Novos down to 14 men (and Rockliff now restored to 15), Rockliff took advantage to register two quick tries and give themselves an unassailable lead. With nothing to lose, Novos threw on Daniel Charlton in a bid to add impetus to their attack. This tactical change was almost rewarded when fine work from Hemmings put Charlton in the clear. But, with the try-line at his mercy, the ball slipped from his grasp. Would the coveted Tommy Burford award be his? Actually, no. That revered honour was secured by Joel McKale for an audacious drop-goal attempt from 50 metres, which didn’t quite travel 30.
And so to the most poignant moment of the match. Following more soft Rockliff tries, a manly exchange of punches and words took place between Christian Selkirk and Rockcliff’s burly Irish flanker. As a result, Christian discovered that said flanker was actually his biological father and that his conception was far from immaculate! Disguising his remorse in a foul-mouthed, red-faced tirade, the burly Irish flanker confessed that he had had a non-consensual relationship with Christian’s mother in the showers at Rockliff’s club in the dark past. However, in an obvious attempt at catharsis, the flanker then offered himself to Christian on a similarly non-consensual basis. Unfortunately, Christian has been a Novo for too long and laughed off the suggestion, on the grounds that he would never bend to pressure from the paramilitary. This sterling defence of core Novocastrian values led to hysterical laughter all-round, followed by the game’s dénouement, namely a fine try for tyrant for the day Kim Jong-un Hemmings. Following one final great Novos forward drive in one corner, great handling from Wilson, Jeffrey and Charlton left Hemmings with a one on one at the opposite corner. Using all the intelligence one would expect from a participating audience member of high-brow topical debate show Question Time, a drop of the shoulder and a side-step took him passed his opposite number with ease and in for a well-deserved try. Final score Whitley Bay Rockliff Vikings 48 – Novos 3rd XV 12.
So, not a great overall performance or result. However Novos had a scratch squad with several new faces; there were still periods in the match when Novos truly dominated; and there were still a number of very good individual displays. The reality is that we are not that far off the required standard to prosper in this league and we will improve.
Man of the Match: Neil Smith
Tommy Burford Award: Joel McKale