Berwick: baited, beaten, and baited again

On a damp 14th of November a fine group of Novos players gathered for what was undisputedly a grudge match. Berwick, the smart from being thrown out of the County Cup for cheating still stinging were clearly up for the game, airing some entertaining thoughts on us pre-match on social media, and brought a strong squad down from the North to take on the mighty Peoples Republic of Novos.
Ignoring resolutely all concerns about the state of the pitch the men of Novos straggled in, mostly late as usual ensuring the after-match fines session would be profitable no matter the result. A good warm-up was overseen by Oliver Dearden, veering madly from QVC shopping channel descriptions of individual exercises to snarling about hatred for Berwick and demanding the Mighty Republic ‘man up’. Much mocking later the elder statesmen and chief political officers of the republic James Forbes and Andrew Croft graced us with their presence and the festivities could begin.
A Novos kick off towards the peoples’ clubhouse led to a strong break up field from Berwicks speedy outside backs, but was thwarted by good covering defence from the high pitched Irishman Colm O’Keefe. Berwick were clearly trying to wrestle the Republic into playing the forward dominated game they favor, however a good piece of secure possession from the Red and Black pack led to a surge from the dominant center partnership of Michael Baker & Nick Lithgow with some rugby league style offloads led to a first try from the thief of the 6 shirt Matt Freeman, Lithgow demonstrating his radar had been recently outsourced to some part-time enthusiasts by somehow sending the kick from in front of the posts on a lovely oblique angle straight into touch.
A Berwick kick off to the Republic should have been handled by the perfectly positioned Man of the Match Blair Tweedie who somehow coughed up possession leading to a spell of Berwick possession in the Novos half. Points were conceded to the Berwick side and converted by their goal-kicking 8 & captain. They also benefitted from the concussion suffered by Row specialist Jack Salt from using his head on the hip of a Berwick player, and the departure of second team stalwart prop Guy Douglas, cramping up after 30 mins as clearly unable to keep up with the fast pace of real rugby.
Following this there was a warning to Mr Angry Birthday Boy Christian Selkirk about high tackles and the dispatch of Tom Burford award recipient Colm O’Keefe to the bin for 10 minutes to think about his allegiances. After this set-back Novos swept back up the field, grimly retaining possession despite much sloppy ruck play angering the leadership of the Peoples’ Republic. After a fine drive to near the posts the ball was swept right and Christian Selkirk celebrated his birthday in style by diving over for a fine second try.
Sadly, this fine birthday was spoiled when after having retained possession successfully and gained great field possession a long pass from Selkirk to his centres in space was expertly picked off by the rapid Berwick 13 who sprinted most of the length of the field to score under the posts, the cover defence failing to get anywhere near him. This reporter then angering the senior member James Forbes by not retreating under his own posts to consider tactics with the team, I hold my hands up in apology and bow to the republic.
Following half-time admonitions to protect the ruck ball and focus on controlling possession Novos attacked the boggier end of the field with the stated intention to keep Berwick in the heavy soil and wear them down. Proving the versatility of the republic through adherence to these instructions resulted in a fine try for Blair Tweedie dotting down directly on the line. Berwick then resorted to multiple kicks up-field to try and relieve pressure well dealt with by Nick Byrne who returned the ball with interest. Space was becoming easier to find and a good opportunity was manufactured from a penalty by Selkirk and an offload to Forbes who many thought was held-up in a maul over the line but brute strength by Tweedie pulled Berwick hands off the ball and culture vulture Andrew Croft scored his first try in approx. 5 years by crashing to earth. A mighty cheer was raised by all the good folk of the republic before we waved him off to enjoy the Nutcracker. You’ve changed Crofty, you’ve changed!
Final try of the Novos game was scored by Colm, after a great incident with a much larger Berwick forward where only his Irish accent prevented the ref from understanding the repeated death threats. Not a single Novos try was converted, meaning 10 points were left on the field, but thanks go to Justin Taylor, who was remarkably quiet in his complaints on the filed for the day for smacking over one penalty before succumbing to the inevitable injury. Oliver Dearden refused three times to move from hooker to scrum-half, angering the leader but meaning sicknote John Paul Addison, given glowing references in the pre-match spiel could get 12 minutes on the field, including the worst scrum put-in this fine game of ours has ever seen.
Anway, following the game we retired sensibly to the bar to find the other teams at Novos, obviously inspired by our fine battling example had decided to win as well, and wished to celebrate with the republic. A quick trip downstairs to fund a highly profitable fines session led to Dearden getting front-row diva of the game due to his pre-match old man grumping and refusing to move positions, Blair sinking a LOT of Port before a 12-hour shift in hospital the next day (no wonder more people die at weekends) for his man of the match award, Colm grabbing the Tom Burford award, Selkirk clearly deserving the s***-shoveller award.
The team then caroused heavily into the early hours, but a sensible veil should be drawn over all those shenanigans.
Report by Oliver Dearden Prop/Hooker/Blindside