Novos go on a Boar hunt

With the mighty Westoe cancelling midweek (most likely out of fear) Novos III’s travelled to Houghton to face their Boars with a much changed side after lots of unavailables this week, meaning 3rd team stalwarts Salt and Dearden were taken with the recently crowned 2nd team league winners. Oliver still holding out hopes of playing at a higher level as the deathly grip of vets rugby approaches with each grey hair that appears on his solid granite head.

Story of the week had to be the 2 comeback kids….. After rumours in the national press earlier in the week, Novos had resigned myself for an undisclosed fee (believed to be in the region of absolutely zero). And even better, after an injury hiatus of almost 2 years, Gus Graham returned to the bench. Along with Crofty, JP, and Damo in the squad, it was 5 of the 2nd team from 2005 although JP was a scrum half in those days and I was a sprightly winger and not an overweight second row. It was a privilege to join the scrum alongside my old friends!

After James Jeffrey went through his pre-game vomiting ritual the game kicked off and we had to provide Houghton with a few players to cover their late arrivals, giving them Zac Hui for the centres, Harry Coomber, and our resident referee Jack Pellew. No one made any notes so the following is on memory alone! We stormed into an early lead, the self-titled king Selkirk put through a delightful grubber kick early on and unfortunately as I have put on nearing 5 stone I couldn’t quite get to it before it went dead. This was a sign of things to come as the always excellent David Marshall went over for the first try, quickly followed by our very own Christophe Dominici (Vincent) running over in the corner. The main story of the first half was the unbelievably storming performance from Dan Hipps, stealing the ball a lot, and being so much of a nuisance that an opposing back row attempted to remove his scrum cap in a bizarre act of crap retribution. Dan’s performance was capped with a great try in the first half and a man of the match award. After a Houghton try our 4th and final try of the half came from Lex, who somehow pirouetted his way through the entire Houghton team, spinning elegantly out of tackles with his muscular frame glinting in the winter sun. The only way to describe it to those who weren’t there to witness it is imagine Billy Elliot but with Arnold Schwarzenegger in the lead role.

The second half included a few Houghton tries through our defensive lapses, another try from D Marshall, and a great try from speedster Jeffrey on the wing. Story of the second half was, HRH Selkirk, not agreeing with the referee’s interpretation of the game (a referee who has already sin binned our sensible and level headed resident 9/10 this season) had a tantrum and substituted himself, talking to himself as he trotted off for Burford. It is to be noted, that with every day that he doesn’t cut his hair, and continues to put on weight, Christian is looking more and more like Fred West as the season progresses. Other points of note in the second half, Mark Hemming actually smashed someone (don’t read that again, he actually did), Gus Graham made his return to action, Damo made the full 80, and Pratty lead his troops with honour! David Marshall hit 3 of his conversions, including some from out wide.

Overall, it was a bit messy but we were the better side and deserved to win. Lots to work on. But I’m going to end the report with a few positives;
Gus Graham, coming back from an operation held nothing back and was great to see him smashing it up in the pack. Damien throwing back the years for 80 minutes, along with Crofty who after coming off injured came back on at 6 and was a nuisance. Hemmings tackled, David Marshall was brilliant, in amongst tantrums and so on, Christian did some very clever things with ball in hand and with the boot. Lex was a handful as always. Paul Smith made his 3rd team debut and the Phil Mitchell lookalike was solid in the scrum and in the loose. Young Luke in the back row was great, and Zac was easily Hougton’s best player, looking very dangerous every time he got the ball, to have Lex as your opposite number can’t be much fun! Jake White with some great runs with ball in hand, Jake if you keep working you’ll get that try. John Marshall has also been drunk for the entirety of December but did well when he came on.

Final highlight of the day was Burford thinking that the undeniably French Vincent was from Sheffield. He really does not help himself.

Next up is league leaders Morpeth Edwardians and we’ll need to bring our A game for that one.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year
The Prodigal Son.

Joe Carr