Novos edged out in nail biting war of attrition versus league newcomers, Lichfield 2s.

The afore mentioned Emma Nichol was supporting from the side line in the throws of luxury, her leg elevated, being fussed over by the ever present Novos yummy mummy contingent. Special mention has to go out to our broken hero who has surely won Struth’s ‘Man the F*** Up’ award this season for calmly stating to the referee; “Sir, I think I have broken my leg” last week.

Novos started on the front foot with an excellent catch from kick off by Katie ‘my mum comes every week’ Crute and a powerful run by Tash ‘Bulldozer’ Robson, starting as she meant to go on in her new position of inside centre. However, Lichfield soon regained possession and our illustrious general Sedge, put in some excellent tackles including one that ended in what I’m sure (from watching the Olympics) was a Judo throw resulting in momentary flash of anger that threatened to spill over thankfully did not.

Lichfield were first on the score sheet with a try down the left wing which was not converted. Following the kick off, Novos were back on the offensive including an excellent pick up and step under pressure from Sam West. Tremendous offloading by our resident Bulldozer led to Struth almost finding a way over the try line but some last ditch Lichfield defence kept Novos out until the ladies in red, white and black shipped it out wide for Flem Doggy Dog to score out on the right. It was noted by, who will remain anonymous, bystanders that Mr Bass must surely start taking scoring tips from his wife.

Mrs Bass was back in the thick of the action shortly after, trying to intercept the ball with what looked suspiciously like a Karate kick, leaving me wondering whether there was some martial arts theme occurring on the pitch that our girls were hoping made the match report. More determined tackling followed, this time from Magic down the left wing, ensuring her opponent did not pass leading up to yet another Chrissie Miller turnover special. Novos tackling was of the highest order at times with Sam West putting in the first of a number of last ditch tackles to keep the scores level. There followed an extended injury break as one of the Litchfield ladies stayed down, the break in play livened by sub Elle Bloor running onto the pitch to take water with her long coat flowing behind her, somewhat reminiscent of THAT episode of ‘Only Fools and Horses’…

Unfortunately, shortly after the break in play Lichfield were again on the score sheet, this time tucking the conversion neatly away. The pain of conceding a try was momentarily forgotten watching Jen ‘get your fines ready’ Meagher try and retrieve her gum shield from her sports bra with more difficulty than she clearly anticipated.

Novos cranked up the pressure in the search of an equalising try, with Katie Crute doing well to charge down a clearance but clearly losing track of where the ball was, what day it was to the amusement of the gathered hordes on the balcony (although please read on for the guilt such amusement caused when the full extent of dearest Crute’s brave block was known a day later in A&E…). So much was the Novos dominance that THOSE seagulls made a return to the Novos half of the pitch, awaiting the try which looked almost certain but did not come, the referee’s whistle for half time preceding Clem’s agonised, if not somewhat hungover, wail of “Noooooooo!” from the balcony.

The second half kicked off much in the same way as the first ended, with Novos in the ascendancy. A wonderful kick and chase from Magic was followed up by some excellent scrumming and a penalty to Novos. Utterly in contrast to her usual style, Amelia ‘how is my face still intact this far into the season’ Neagle took a quick tap penalty and found a way over the white wash to make the score 10-12 and deservedly bring the Sutherland Park outfit back into contention.

Following, yet another, lengthy injury break Novos were back on the offensive with strong runs from Ceri and Katie ‘I can still hold a ball, what a hero’ Crute led to a kick through for Janey ‘twinkle-toes’ Eccles to chase, narrowly beaten in a foot race by the Lichfield full back. However, the ground made was not wasted with a scrum deep in the Lichfield half leading to Magic diving over for a fully deserved try in the right hand corner to put the mighty Vos’ in the lead for the first time in the game, 15-12.

In the absence of our tactical genius Ian ‘Mourhino’ Moralee who had been press-ganged into some kind of other business, the mantle of responsibility fell onto George ‘Spiderman’ Studd and Carlos Correia to make the necessary off field decisions. Jen Meagher and Mrs Laura Stuart Nee Armstrong were replaced by Becky Stanger for her debut for Novos first team after an impressive run out for the seconds last week and Elle ‘Where did my cape go’ Bloor.

One of the loudest cheers of the afternoon met a brutal hand off by Struth only to be surpassed moments later by an even bigger cheer (I suspect Mr Bass had something to do with this) as Mrs Bass hit a Lichfield player with a crunching, and definitely not high, tackle. The subsequent break in play allowed ‘Fishy’ Claire Gilchrist to take her place in the back row for Meals and Tash ‘Bulldozer’ Robson to receive treatment for a bump to the noggin.

Following this further break in play which had evidently disrupted Novos momentum, Lichfield broke through the Novos line and looked almost certain to score but were, once again, thwarted by another last ditch tackle from Sam West.

Cat ‘Hulk’ Ingoe caused much hilarity with her idea of a warm up, by flexing her muscles and announcing she was ready to enter the fray. Although attention was soon back on the pitch with two excellent tackles in quick succession by Elle ‘I don’t need a cape’ Bloor trying to break the pressure starting to build from Lichfield. Further excellent tackling was on display from Novos, this time out wide from Becky whose pace was yet to be fully utilised in an offensive capacity.

Much to the despair of Sutherland Park faithful, Lichfield made the most of their possession, forcing a penalty out wide resulting in them finding their way over the white wash and managing to score the conversion ensuring they entered the final stages of the game back in the lead. Despite the valiant efforts of our heroines in red, white and black Novos could not find the reply their effort deserved and the final whistle was greeted by broken hearts (and bodies).

While I would normally conclude the match report at this point, I feel it my duty to highlight the magnificent social faux pas in the after match speeches whereby Tash ‘Bulldozer’ Robson went to collect back of the match award only to realise it was meant for Flem much to the hilarity of all present with the exception of our vice captain, Fran ‘Mockers’ Mockford.

A further mention must also go to Katie Crute for her own challenge for the ‘Man the F*** Up’ crown by playing half a match with what may turn out to be a broken bone in her wrist. We may have lost, but we had a team of heros.