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Ladies Magnificent 7

Ladies Magnificent 7

Fran Mockford6 Jun 2016 - 20:01
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Some may say that playing 7’s after your Annual Player’s Dinner is foolish...

Disclaimer: This is not an accurate report. It is lengthy, full of mis-information and accosted with questionable English.

Some may say that playing 7’s after your Annual Player’s Dinner is foolish. The following report of Saturday 27th May might just prove those individuals correct.
It was off to a great start by the cunning Novos Ladies as they successfully convinced an insider to attend the – far too early – registration and managers meeting, allowing them all to have precious more minutes / sober-ing up time before the real deal kicked off at 12. With over half of the squad in one car it was looking up as Novos successfully made it to Falcons – causing only one road rage en-route – but were dismayed when they realised the games were in fact at bullocksteads. However, to the surprise of the majority of players (at least 4), that turned out to be only a fence hop away.
With the Insider/Coach missing – presumably consuming our registration crate of beer – Novos Ladies did a thorough warm up consisting of sun cream, water and paracetamol and set off for their first game against Durham City. The Durham girls looked like they were ready and fresh, quite unlike the Novocastrian side, but with the cheers of the home support (Waller, Pollard + Diz) some relatively acceptable rugby was played with zero tackles below the hips made – Just how we’d been taught… Despite the lack of bending ability, Novos managed to have the upper at half-time (15-0) with our most ‘lovely’ player Emily ‘Back Yourself’ Oliver, running in a hat-trick. The second half brought three more tries, one from Helen ‘I’m still playing 15s’ Kane, who powered through several Durhamers to score - very 7s-esk. The fifth try came from Ollie, making her total 4 for the game.. if only this was tour.. and the last one from Jess ‘slide tackle’ Bull who elegantly sat down over the line with the ball and placed it delicately with her finger tips, a true footballer. For those that struggle with Maths, that made it a 30-0 victory to The Sober Seven.
Much to the dismay of the Novos Ladies (and the sympathy of the supporters) game 2 was off the back of game 1 and against the ‘legsy looking’ team from across the pitch, ‘The Students’ formerly known as ‘Northcastle’ (Northumbria and Newcastle Universities). The game kicked off to an entertaining start as Meals went forth with great intentions to catch the high ball but was nutmegged in the process, causing much hilarity amongst the team and setting the tone for the match. Tash Robson quickly picked up on the Novos inability to function, or tackle below the waist, and swiftly put one past as she charged through just under half of the squad to score under the posts to make it 0-5 in the first minute. The next kick-off was just as entertaining as the ball bounced just in field of the touch line and Ollie took this moment to demonstrate some ballet to everyone as she attempted to keep the ball in play with her leg flailing around in the air. This crippled most of the team again as they fell about the floor laughing allowing The Students to widen the score line to 0-12 and causing one of their players to question ‘Is their 9 still drunk or does she just find everything hilarious?’. With Novos finally having some possession it was clear that it wasn’t just tackling that was going to be the issue, passing below knee height became the new mode causing the most amount of scrums ever seen in a game of 7s. Possession was lost (again) as The Students used some swift handling to get it out wide and despite the best efforts of Sedge ‘giggle’ Worth as she vaguely attempted a tap tackle, she was burned on the outside – but at least not by a prop this time – 0-17. BUT THEN, ‘Nuttmeg’ had a smashing run to score just before half time, gaining Novos some dignity back, making it 7-17. The second hald was more evenly matched and through some excellent play by our resident French Lady, Fanny ‘I love questions’ Fouin who cut a cracking line to run up the middle to score and give Novos a glimmer of hope (12-17). This hope was then swiftly taken away as The Students put one final try past just before the whistle making the final score 12-22 in what was possibly the most ridiculous game of rugby ever seen by most of the players on the pitch.
Game 3 against Acklam Avengers was delayed by an hour due to a serious leg injury to a Durham City girl – whom we wish a speedy recovery to. The game plan was unanimous, avoid contact at all costs, which of course Helen ‘I’m playing 15s’ Kane ignored as she powered over the line several times with 3 bodies latched on to her. Not much more of the game was very memorable.. other than some seriously loud scrum screaming and Steph ‘I can do it’ Barratt’s fantastic run down 40m of the pitch, handing off, rolling, gaining metres with bodies attached to her, making it across the white stripe, only to knock the ball on in the act of scoring. Despite this woeful event Novos finished the game 42-5 and were through to the final!
The final was to be held on the main pitch of Falcons, but unfortunately it was to be played 3 hours post-Acklam game.. and as such just under 50% of the squad would be unavailable due to other commitments. It was decided that #Novosuntilwearealltired would officially resign but be represented by others – probably for the better – in a friendly final against The Students, The Honorary Novos represented well making it a 22-17 win. Perhaps an option we should pursue in future.
What better way to rid a hangover then to play ridiculous rugby? Congratulations to The Sober Seven who got up to compete and thanks to our support team for keeping us hydrated and sane. No thanks to ‘Coach Calum’ who missed all of our games.
#NoOneDied

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